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The Beardizers

4 years ago by

My friends are crazy, CRAZY about guys with beards.

I like beards well enough. I went out with a guy who had a beard for seven years, and I adored him, but now, enough is enough. First of all, in New York, ALL guys have beards. They’ve figured it out. It attracts the girls like bees to honey – and hey, why should they deprive themselves?

-They only have to look good from the cheeks up.
-They don’t have to shave.
-They can look like they’re from Brooklyn even if they live in the Financial District.

(Ok, who knows what the hell I’m talking about, but just stick with me here, we have to revolt.)

Interlude PG13 / A friend of mine who was dating a guy with a beard told me about a phenomenon that’s not getting enough media attention – the Brooklyn Rash. It’s this thing that happens after a crazy night with a bearded guy. Rash up, and rash down, if you get the idea. Thoughts on the subject?

Anyway, the point is – my friends are crazy about guys with beards and tattoos, but girls, not all guys with beards and tattoos are good. I’m serious – we make fun of modelizers, but now we’ve literally got an epidemic of beardizers on our hands.

And by the way, my dear beardizer friends, I have to ask all the questions that would like guys to ask about them: Is there a personality somewhere in there? A heart? A spark of smart? Hmmm?

Silly beardizers.

PS: The illustration is by Jon Dyer.


Add yours
  • In my experience, some guys hide behind beards. So girls, beware. You’ll start dating him for a while, then one day he’ll shave it off and meh, not so attractive any more.

  • oh so true. my bf has a beard and i hate to admit that the one time he shaved it…i didn’t find him so attractive. luckily hair grows back and he’s never shaved since! (he lacks a jaw line, so the beard helps define his face) (i sound horrible).

  • Mon copain est blond et sans barbe. On ne voit pas assez de blond barbu ? Est-ce qu’ils existent ?

  • LaBouyxonne January, 14 2014, 12:48

    Oui le mien :)
    La barbe très blonde presque blanche par endroit… Trop beau !

  • Moi je détestais les barbus, et puis j’en ai rencontré un avec qui je suis restée sept ans: vu la fin, je me sens plutôt de cramer toutes les barbiches qui passent, là maintenant tout de suite. Alors c’est pas ma faute, c’est le destin qui m’empêche d’être à la mode, messieurs les glabres, appelez-moi. Barbe de trois jours tolérée.


  • Can’t stand beards any more
    and MAN BUNS even worse
    and beard + man bun = total girl repellent……..

    ps what was happening with Alex Ebert’s man bun AND beard at the Golden Globes ?
    looked like he got in a fight with a bunch of cats over some tofu


  • Hey hey, easy on the generalisations ;)
    For me a beard + bun is a total attraction! (On the right guy I have to add!)

  • David Beckham and Thor (Chris Hemsworth?) look good in man buns… but then again those two always look hot.

  • le Brooklyn rash m’a bien fait rire !! Merci Garance pour cet interlude PG 13 !
    J’aime bien les barbus sur le principe, mais peau trop sensible, je ne tolère que les barbes douces !

  • No honestly…. usually I love trends coming from NY…. but this one…. no thank you….. no beard friend ….no! xxx

  • laurence January, 14 2014, 1:04 / Reply

    bon, je n’ai plus commenté depuis des lutres, mais là je suis obligée, car oui, je fais partie de ces filles qui adorent les barbus, je ne sais pas d’où ça vient, mais un jour je me suis rendue compte que tous les mecs qui me plaisaient avaient une barbe.
    Attention hein, pas n’importe quelle barbe non plus: pas trop courte (ça pique), pas trop longue (au bout d’un moment, ça ne fait plus sexy mais négligé) et surtout, surtout, pas taillée ou sculptée (je ne sais pas comment dire), j’aime la barbe naturelle, comme elle pousse – parce que c’est l’essence même d’une barbe, le côté nature, simple, facile à vivre etc…
    Alors, je ne dis pas que je n’aime pas les non-barbus, mais je remarque que la plupart des hommes que je connais sont mieux avec une barbe que sans même si tout ça est très subjectif…

  • 100% pareil pour moi!

  • hahaha t’es trop forte!

  • Tu as raison Garance, ne réduisons pas les mecs à leur barbe, est ce qu’ils nous réduisent à notre taille de soutien-gorge ? Hein?

  • My guy has a beard – like a really thick full glorious mane (like the first in the third row) and I think it’s super sexy. And I must say, he gets more attention from all kind of men in all kind of places because of it. I see guys turning their head when we walk past and whisper something to eachother about a great beard. He is, typical for guys, totally oblivious to it.

    About the rash… it’s only when a guy has a stubble or is starting to grow out his beard that it leaves a rash when making out. So just hang in there for a bit :)

    Another thing I noticed though with my guy his beard is that he easily gets ingrown hairs and therefor needs to scrub his face regularly. And he needs to comb it. Another friend of mine blowdries his beard. Another friend needs to wax his moustache. Haha, talk about “how do they do it?” right?

  • I personally love a good beard. As for the other ladies loving them too maybe it has to do with a fact that since ancient times beards were regarded as a sign of virility….so maybe it’s that ancestral connection kicking in ;)


  • I am definitely a beardizer! All of my past boyfriends (and now my husband) started out as clean faced gentlemen when I first met them, but they all (yes, every single one of them) ended up with beards by the time I was done with them!

  • ELISE MEUZARD January, 14 2014, 2:07 / Reply

    Moi je les vois en fixie à chemise à carreaux, j’avoue qu’ils sont craquants, mais le mien sa petite barbe de 3 jours j’adooore parce qu’il est canon et qu’il arrête de faire plus jeune que moi tout simplement…

  • Mon mec il a la barbe depuis ses 20 ans, il en a maintenant 37 (38 dimanche prochain), donc, rien à voir avec la mode. Lui, il es intelligent et à forte personnalité, of course ;-)

    C’est comme moi, je porte la frange depuis mes 8 ou 9 ans, et depuis il a beaucoup plu!!! (j’avais ‘horreur’ de voir toutes las nanas avec une frange quand la mode est arrivée il n’y a pas bien longtemps).

    Enfin, je veux dire… c’est comme les mec chauves, avant c’était innomable, maintenant c’est super cool.


  • Ah, et j’ai oublié… quand à l’irritation, pas vrai si la barbe est une vrai barbe, pas quqelqu’un mal rasé (je veux dire mal rasé, barbe de 3 / 4 jours, là ça pique ou pire!!!).

  • I like men with beards, they give them this boho-artist-look! But, let´s be honest, from a practical point of view, they itch and they hurt!

  • C’est vrai qu’il y a de plus en plus de mecs barbus perso j’aime pas trop du moins les grosses barbes j’aime pas ça je trouve pas ça forcément joli même si ça va bien à certains hommes. Mais une barbe un peu négligé c’est pas mal quand même, ça enlève le côté trop parfait ou gamin :)

  • The Brooklyn Rash! hahahahahaha I’m in stitches, that’s tooo funny Garance!

    I’ve actually wondered the same thing myself about this… never having been with a guy who had a full stache or beard I dont know… I can certainly say though, that as much as I like a guy with facial stubble, it has to be like the 3rd day stubble otherwise its like coarse sandpaper to our lady parts…. ouch!

  • I’m afraid I love them. On the right man, a beard is masculine and completely alluring. Send them all to me!

  • There was actually a SCIENTIFIC study on beards last year and it found that “beardedness affects judgments of male socio-sexual attributes and suggest that an intermediate level of beardedness is most attractive while full-bearded men may be perceived as better fathers who could protect and invest in offspring.” It’s real! It’s science!

  • HAHA! Brilliant!

  • Yes, I remember reading about that study! Here’s the link, in case anyone is interested :-)

  • Hysterical post Garance! My husband sports the Van Dyke and I love it! Soooooo funny! Thanks for sharing it! Another “random post” love it!

    Hugs to you from CA

  • not a fan of bushy beards, I love my boyfriend when he wears a short one (max 1cm long), almost an outgrown stubble…how it changes his features though when he shaves it! I think it’s the effect of seeing his mouth after it had been hidden under the beard for a long time, he was just eyes+nose+hair…then a MOUTH materialises!

    How about moustaches though? I like very fine ones, closer to the lip-line.


  • Lansky Remy January, 14 2014, 7:07 / Reply

    Les hommes avec de la barbe ne me dérange pas mais il faut que celle-ci soit bien entrenue et bien coupée. C’est ma seule condition! C’est vrai que ça peut être charmant un homme avec du poil facial. :D

  • Ugh – Soul patches… Can anyone tell me why these are fashionable? I have to fight a desire to say “You missed a bit when you were shaving”!

  • In Australia there is a more rough version of the Fu Manchu that we call the “Chopper Reed” – after the late criminal and erstwhile media personality. Movember is the traditional month to grow a beard of any description, and I for one, am always glad when this month passes and mens’ faces return to normal!

  • I don’t like guys with beards, or mustache or whatever. I like them clean shaven.

  • Haha, my friend is a beardizer too, and we constantly argue about uhh… personal taste in facial hair. She thinks having a beard is just so much more manly. Even better if they fight bears and chop wood. I prefer a clean shaven face, they’re just so much nicer to kiss (no chafing around my mouth!)!
    One thing I will say is that a beard is necessary on some guys, the rare one just looks sooo much better with a beard (and not so good without).


  • Léonore January, 15 2014, 6:42 / Reply

    Je suis une inconditionnelle des barbes, mais tu as raison, tous les barbus ne sont pas bons à prendre! Ce post est absolument mythique et si ton blog évolue dans ce sens (avec ton humour incomparable), je dis chapeau!

  • I love men with beards. Short, rough but trimmed beards. Along with a beard, beautiful thick wavy hair (like French men) would make me WILD. Along with that tortoise shell frames, and a great sense of dressing ( Italian men street style ) would be amazing. On top of all that, if he’s a kind man, that would be ridiculously cool.
    Okay, I should stop fantasizing…yes, beards rock.

  • I think it is important to make some distinction between a beard proper and stubble. I am such a fan of stubble, however…

    …the rash issue is NO JOKE, sometimes calling for an ice pack and some serious moisturizer. Try one with calming ingredients, like a men’s aftershave balm!

  • The beard rash! A terrible infliction. An old roomate of mine was inflicted with a terrible one after a certain Halloween party… it looked like her chin had been dragged over a carpet for an hour and a half. It was raw. Terrible.

  • Mon oncle est super barbu, depuis TOUJOURS, je ne le connais pas autrement et elle est belle et douce sa barbe, avant elle était noire(il parait) maintenant elle est blanche comme celle du Père Noel, avec les cheveux qui vont avec, il coupe le tout seulement deux fois par an ;)
    Il est venu me voir en Allemagne et j´ai remarqué comment les femmes étaient folles de barbes, un vrai aimant a meuf le tonton, les filles avaient les yeux rivés sur sa barbe, je sentais quelles voulaient la toucher… Trop chelou, mon oncle a quand même 65 ans!!!?!?!?!?

  • Caroline January, 15 2014, 8:57 / Reply

    Oui, tous les mecs sont devenus barbus depuis quelques années, à Paris on ne trouve plus que ça.
    Moi, comme Mamzette, j’aime bien les mecs imberbes. Ils n’ont qu’à m’appeler, tiens.

  • Charlotte January, 15 2014, 9:25 / Reply

    “Brooklyn rash”, hahaha, le nom parfait à cet inconvenient… Mais je rejoins l’avis général, celà n’arrive qu’avec une barbe tondue style 3-4 jours. Mon mec varie de style souvent, j’aime autant avec que sans… Mais la barbe est devenue sexy depuis quelques années.
    C’est le grand retour des POILS : autant chez les hommes que chez les femmes (dixit Cameron Diaz). La société en général se simplifie la vie niveau épilation.

  • Bon, je me lance…je n’ai jamais écrit ici et pourtant je te lis depuis des années et je me régale à chaque fois !!!
    C’est vrai, c’est étrange cette épidémie de barbe, on en voit partout, moi qui suis d’une autre génération, j’observe avec amusement l’évolution du poil…(j’ai des ados qui me tiennent régulièrement informés). Moins nous nous devons d’en avoir (si tu vois ce que je veux dire) et plus ils en ont !
    Y a-t-il un rapport de cause à effet ?! Je m’interroge, c’est tout !!!
    PS : mon mari n’a pas de barbe … !

  • I could never date a guy who was a bigger hipster than me (ie, every guy with a beard).

    Shani x

  • Avec cette mode, ceux qui n’ont pas de barbe (comme mon amoureux) souffrent les pauvres !

  • Morte de rire :D

  • My husband happens to be a gold medal winner in what is called the “natural” (use do goop/product to hold shape) category of the National Championships. We laugh, its the most ludacris title, but it something you can say; “you got a gold medal in something.” In any case, we came to the competition on a lark and from our interest in a site/extraveganza called “Moustache May,” where people with moustaches post self portraits for one month, and their was a brother site/adventure called Whiskerino where gentlemen posted three months while they grew their beard. We met some wonderful people participating and became actual dear friends rather than “internet friends.” Moustache guys are fastidious and beard guys are more laissez-faire. But the woman groupies for the men WERE CRAZY! I married the guy with facial hair so his right to express came with him, but this hair is a barrier…its a pain. Like, I feel like I have never kissed my husband without his being preoccupied with protecting his stache. I will take him for what he is, but I am a sick of these masks! I think I understand men through the experience. Perhaps a little like, if a man hates a women wear too much makeup and he just wants to feel her beautiful skin, or be free of “preconceptions of beauty” and just be “free.” I think about the human race and our silly apparatices we think make us look better. what makes us “hot” or great to know is out character, confidence and curiousity for ideas….Somethings to think about….

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