I had a beer at 4pm on January 1st. So my “sober” January lasted all of half a day. Which is six days less than it lasted last year. And about two weeks less than it lasted the year before that. Okay fine, I wasn’t even participating in sober January this year and it feels fucking great. Not because I’m drunk all the time (but I like where your mind went) but because my year didn’t start out with a complex negotiation about why-I-deserve-this-glass-of-alcohol followed by a tidal wave of guilt the minute I had a sip. (It didn’t hurt that said beer cured my hangover as New Year’s Eve and open bars cast a spell on me where I believe myself invincible to the effects of alcohol.)
I commend the men and women who can commit to a sober January but I’ve finally accepted it’s not for me. Because when you say I can’t have something I immediately want to bathe myself in it (hi abandonment issues!). And while some might preach that’s the exact reason why I need to work on my impulse control, well… eh. I think I’m doing fine and the more resolutions / restrictions / diets I try the more I immediately hate myself. Which is no way to start a new year, or live one’s life for that matter.
So for now I will drink when I want to, and abstain when I don’t. Sometimes having control is writing your own rules, with a beer in hand.