There’s a health craze going around right now…
And I feel it might have gotten to me, too.
What’s reassuring is that it’s pretty much everywhere — not just in this city of crazy New Yorkers who take everything to extremes.
My sister sends me photos of herself on her runs and of her carrot juice (granted, it’s my sister — we send each other photos of EVERYTHING we do), my Parisian friends all eat at Café Pinson (terrible service the day I was there, but it’s all veggie and “high vitality dishes”) and I have a friend who’s just started a technology cleanse. No phone, no computer, and no iPad for 10 days. EVERYONE HAS GONE CRAZY!
So to see if you guys are also into the health craze (and how much), I thought it would be great to do a test to see how obsessed you are with your health. So, let’s see…
1 – You follow more than three Instagram accounts for fitness, yoga, or healthy food. You follow an account called “Gypset Godess” and think it’s perfectly normal.
2 – You say things like: “Life would have no sense without avocados”, “How did we ever survive before kale?” and “Anything less than 90% cacao is NOT chocolate.”
3 – You say things like: “Dinner tonight? Some place healthy?”
4 – You say things like: “Let’s meet uptown! That will be a nice little walk” (= you live in Brooklyn, which means it will take you 1 hour and 45 minutes)(+ 2000 points on your FuelBand).
5 – You’ve tried to meditate at least once in your life and you’ve told everyone about it.
6 – You’ve quit dairy, gluten, or meat. Or all three at once. You don’t know what to eat anymore, but you feel “so much better!!!”
7 – You’re really, reeeeally deeply thrilled that Net-À-Porter FINALLY has a sports section. Net-a-Sporter. Yes.
8 – You choose a yoga mat just as carefully as your summer swimming suit. Way more carefully, even.
9 – You have an alarm on your phone to remind you that in five minutes, open enrollment begins for your SoulCycle class (the class will be full in three minutes flat).
10 – You don’t want to lose weight, you want to “be healthy”.
11 – You have a folder labeled “Fitness” for apps on your iPhone. You haven’t used any of them in five months, but you have the folder.
12 – You would never buy any products containing phthalates, parabens, triclosan, sodium laurel sulfate, proylene glycol or methenamine. But you love a gel manicure.
13 – The other day, you brought your kale chips in to the movie theater.
14 – It takes you about 45 minutes to pick out almond milk at WholeFoods.
15 – By the way, you think it would be awesome to meet your next boyfriend at WholeFoods. At least he wouldn’t complain when you talk about eating raw beet salad. You find yourself hanging out at WholeFoods. You make friends at Whole Foods.
16 – You’ve ordered a sandwich “without the bread, please.”
17 – You’ve canceled plans with a friend because you’re doing a “cleanse.”
18 – You brag about your crystal deodorant to anyone who will listen, but you’d never use it on a date.
19 – You have a “healthy food” section on Pinterest, even though you never cook.
20 – You nag your mother everyday trying to convince her to get into yoga. And your dad. And your neighbor. And your dog… (there must be a dog yoga class somewhere right?) (Oh yeah, it’s called Doga!!!)(Yey! I knew I was not crazy!!!)(yes you’re crazy)(but it exists!!!)(the fact that it exists doesn’t make it less crazy)(The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills exist, remember?)
– If you answered YES to everything, you’re completely health obsessed and we need to talk. Let’s have a chat over a glass of Bordeaux and some fries.
– If you answered yes to at least 10 questions, you’re like me (hi!!! Send me a photo of your carrot juice!!!) — you’re on a slippery slope. Where you are now, it’s good — your slight obsession is making you eat better and getting you to exercise more, but if you keep going in this direction, pretty soon you’ll have an Instagram account called FitnessDoré and then YOU’LL NEED AN INTERVENTION.
Me? I have 7 yes = 1, 3, 5, 8, 11, 19, 20 (minus the doga)(just because I don’t have a dog).
– If you think all the things on this test are completely ridiculous and the world is going insane, you are… 20 years old!!! You don’t need to worry about all of that just yet because whatever you do, you look healthy. Have so much fun!!! Meet in a few years ;)
Ok so tell me everything about you, how do you score? Do you have anything to add to the test? Which ones are the most you??? I really want to know!!!!
Special thanks to Alex, Delphine, Emily, Laura, Margaux, Alais, Brie, Erik, Carolyn and all my other health obsessed friends for the inspiration. You guys, let’s go out for pizza soon ;)
Translated by Andrea Perdue