Even though I know that the fashion world is not a parallel universe, I have to say that sometimes, I definitely have my doubts.
We already talked about professional life and we even began to graze the surface of fashion week, but there still remains a subject which has truly developed its own charming language, and that subject is figure and beauty.
It often starts like this:
Oh wow, you’re absolutely glowing! Who is it? = How could this be?! Your dermatologist is better than mine?!
Oh wow, you look so… Healthy! = Is that a muffin top that’s about to pop out of your jeans?
Oh wow, you got a new haircut! It’s really quite… Editorial! = You serious? What the hell is that on top of your head?
You want my dermatologist’s/dietitian’s/hair-dresser’s contact? = You really gotta do something, my dear. Time to get some SERIOUS work done…
This sweater? Oh, I borrowed it from my daughter. = And that’s how skinny I am.
Oh, I didn’t recognize you! = You did something ?
She do something, you think? = Facelift?
Right now I’m on this fresh fruit juice cleanse and I’ve such incredible energy! = I’ve gotta drop five pounds before fashion week.
If I were an elegant lady in my early 80’s living, say, in Dallas, this would be the best blow-out ever = My name is Lauren Santo Domingo and I know exactly how to talk to my hairdresser. And I share it with my followers!
There is, of course, a special beauty vocabulary for the models you see filling the pages of magazines, and I mean c’mon now, who’s gonna believe these :
- Yeah, I don’t know what happened, my breasts just popped up in only a few months, and at 25 years old. Poof! = Seriously?
- I eat anything I want ! = Seriously ??
- I’d rather go naked than wear fur. = Sériously ???
… All the crazy stuff you hear at the beauty counters :
- This cream is amazing. It has a base made entirely from oxygen! It costs $1,200 but, you know, oxygen is really rare!
- Your skin is dry with a tendency toward oily. You’re going to need three different moisturizers, one for the cheeks, one for the forehead, and another for the chin. And don’t forget the eye cream. Should I wrap it up for you?
- Dermatologists? Never listen to them. They have no clue what they’re talking about!
And of course, non-verbal language… always my favorite.
- Black sunglasses = I just pulled an all-nighter. I have such a steamier life than you, you prude.
- I’m not wearing any makeup = No need to be beautiful. In the fashion world, all you need is to be skinny, stylish. …And wear black sunglasses.
- I’ve had the same haircut for 55 years now, and I don’t think I’ll be changing anytime soon. = I’m so important, I’m like my own brand. And I’m my own logo. No no no, shhhh. Relax. I’m not for sale : I work in fashion.
Aha! There you have it. You have anything else to add?
Translation : Tim Sullivan