tf3

6 years ago by

Even though I know that the fashion world is not a parallel universe, I have to say that sometimes, I definitely have my doubts.

We already talked about professional life and we even began to graze the surface of fashion week, but there still remains a subject which has truly developed its own charming language, and that subject is figure and beauty.

It often starts like this:

Oh wow, you’re absolutely glowing! Who is it? = How could this be?! Your dermatologist is better than mine?!

Oh wow, you look so… Healthy! = Is that a muffin top that’s about to pop out of your jeans?

Oh wow, you got a new haircut! It’s really quite… Editorial! = You serious? What the hell is that on top of your head?

You want my dermatologist’s/dietitian’s/hair-dresser’s contact? = You really gotta do something, my dear. Time to get some SERIOUS work done…

This sweater? Oh, I borrowed it from my daughter. = And that’s how skinny I am.

Oh, I didn’t recognize you! = You did something ?

She do something, you think? = Facelift?

Right now I’m on this fresh fruit juice cleanse and I’ve such incredible energy! = I’ve gotta drop five pounds before fashion week.

If I were an elegant lady in my early 80’s living, say, in Dallas, this would be the best blow-out ever = My name is Lauren Santo Domingo and I know exactly how to talk to my hairdresser. And I share it with my followers!

There is, of course, a special beauty vocabulary for the models you see filling the pages of magazines, and I mean c’mon now, who’s gonna believe these :

  • Yeah, I don’t know what happened, my breasts just popped up in only a few months, and at 25 years old. Poof! = Seriously?
  • I eat anything I want ! = Seriously ??
  • I’d rather go naked than wear fur. = Sériously ???

 

…  All the crazy stuff you hear at the beauty counters :

 

  • This cream is amazing. It has a base made entirely from oxygen! It costs $1,200 but, you know, oxygen is really rare!
  • Your skin is dry with a tendency toward oily. You’re going to need three different moisturizers, one for the cheeks, one for the forehead, and another for the chin. And don’t forget the eye cream. Should I wrap it up for you?
  • Dermatologists? Never listen to them. They have no clue what they’re talking about!

And of course, non-verbal language… always my favorite.

 

  • Black sunglasses = I just pulled an all-nighter. I have such a steamier life than you, you prude.
  • I’m not wearing any makeup = No need to be beautiful. In the fashion world, all you need is to be skinny, stylish. …And wear black sunglasses.
  • I’ve had the same haircut for 55 years now, and I don’t think I’ll be changing anytime soon. = I’m so important, I’m like my own brand. And I’m my own logo. No no no, shhhh. Relax. I’m not for sale : I work in fashion.

Aha! There you have it. You have anything else to add?

Translation : Tim Sullivan

165 comments

Add yours

From the Archives

The Skin You're In
  • The Skin You're In
  • In Her Words
  • French Gurus
  • Wellness
  • 10 Years of the Site
  • Pardon My French
Flaws and All

Flaws and All

would you illustration garance dore

Would You?

beauty viva la bush sonia sieff garance dore photo

Vive le Bush!

Living Raw with Mimi Kirk

Living Raw with Mimi Kirk

Jaws

Jaws

Hands

Hands

Sun

Sun

Body Happy

Body Happy

Stranger Things

Stranger Things