kind-garance-dore

3 years ago by

This summer, I lost some weight.
I didn’t do anything in particular, I just got lighter without even thinking about it.
In one month’s time, I got back to my normal weight, without doing anything at all, and since then I’ve stayed the same.

For those of you who follow me, you know this subject had actually been bugging me for the last few years – I had been going around with about 10 pounds more than I weigh now, sometimes more, rarely less.
It felt so weird to me – I didn’t really feel like myself. Even weirder since my New York friends hadn’t ever seen me any other way, so when I talked to them about it, they’d always say, no you haven’t changed at all, you look great!!!


I had tried a few things to get back to my normal weight (not skinny, just me) and we talked about it – but I’ll never be a pro at diet torture, and even less at juicing and all the other silly things I thought of at times, like when I had to fold my mauve leather YSL skirt and put it way in the back of my closet so I wouldn’t see it anymore, since it didn’t close anymore and I hated it, the stupid thing.

I tried to accept my new body (honestly, naked, it was rather pretty and sexy, just heavier and more difficult to dress up) and I did tons of exercise, but nothing changed the fact that I just didn’t feel like myself.

I know what you’re going to say.
With all the changes in my personal life lately, it’s not surprising you shed some weight. And you know what? You’re right.

That’s exactly what I want to talk to you about.
Not my personal life so much. What I mean is that my breakup is just the visible part of a much larger change of cycle. Not premeditated at all, but still pretty deep.

So the fact that I suddenly got myself back really made me think.

I thought about all the times I told myself I’d started the unavoidable weight gain that happens after 35 and that there was nothing I could do except become a crazy food maniac.
I thought about all the times I told myself that my problem was that I didn’t have any will power (I even tried to work on my will power and motivation!!! I bought a book on it!!!) and all the times I hated myself for that.
I thought about all the things I had held against myself when actually, it wasn’t really me deciding any of those things – that’s what I’ve finally understood.

Because actually, what happened is that my body was telling me (and others) something.
Not anything good or bad, but that during that time in my life (which was a great time in my life, by the way – just because you gain a little weight doesn’t mean you’re unhappy), that’s just the way I was, what I was manifesting.

I’m still really surprised when I weigh myself. I feel much better in my skin, much more myself, and I think it’s important to say that our bodies reflect the things we are experiencing in life. And if you’re feeling uncomfortable, there may be things to explore, if you feel ready, without stressing out about it.

To not automatically believe that our body is a battle field – but more a reflection of what we are inside.

There’s no point waging war against yourself, despite the many completely freaky examples of pregnant women going back to their natural weight two weeks after giving birth, or the pseudo-role models who show people how to conquer their bodies as if they were hostile territories to rule over, when in fact, it’s just a matter of communicating with yourself deep down. And of course, of looking at ourselves with kindness.

Translated by Andrea Perdue

187 comments

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  • Voilà, ton dernier mot résume tout. Bienveillance.

  • I loved to read this story… I’m in your plus 10 pound situation since one year, I’m changing so many thing, and I hope to re-find myself again, in, and out!
    XOX, Gap.
    http://www.gaptothedgirl.com

  • you went through a break up: best diet… :)

    http://littleaesthete.com

  • Yes. Exactly. The day after I broke up with my partner of 3 years (lived together 2), I went to yoga. And although I felt miserable, all of a sudden I felt lighter and was able to jump up into poses I never even understood how to approach (swan, handstand). And he’s a great guy, and we still care very much for each other. But it was a point of incredible change. I stopped drinking completely, and started to enjoy my work much much more. I could go on. But yes. I totally agree.

  • My mood reflects my weight…if I’m happier I eat less..it I’m stressed I eat more…which I know is the complete opposite for lots of people!!

    http://vodkaandarose.blogspot.co.uk

  • Haha complètement d’accord avec toi… J’ai perdu quelques kg après avoir quitté mon mec. Et je me suis sentie hyper bien ds mon corps. A croire que mes hormones ont participé à ce changement. Comme si elles me disaient, “bon il va falloir tt de meme procréer un de ces jours, on va te rendre la tâche facile pour que tu trouves ton prince!!”
    Plus sérieusement, je pense que c’est le cycle normal, on a tendance à prendre plus de poids en couple et à perdre lorsqu’on redevient single… comme si on se sentait plus légère!! ;-)

    Alixxx
    http://alixdebeer.com

  • Garance, thank you so much for sharing this personal story of you and for your insights. The illustration is really beautiful.

  • Peut-on dire que l’allègement a été extérieur et donc intérieur pour toi ? En tout cas je te rejoins sur la bienveillance, quand on l’applique pour soi elle bénéficie aussi à tous !

  • Beautifully honest and raw. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this subject matter because it concerns a lot of women past the age of 30. We exercise, we eat well, but we don’t loose any weight. We even gain some. And we need to grow to accept this change.

  • Ben je suis trop d’accord avec toi! L’accord entre l’âme et le corps, j’ai vécu ça aussi et c’est si vrai! La situation se débloque par elle-même, pas besoin de régimes ou de faire la guerre à son corps. C’est une si belle machine il faut vivre en accord avec elle, pas contre elle. Oh lala je suis philosophe ce matin…

    http://www.blushandbeyond.com/maquillqge/les-incontournables-de-cet-automne/

    bisous bisous jolie mince!

    Alix

  • Je trouve que depuis quelque temps, tu es redevenu “toi”. Et ça, ça se voit; moi, je l’ai vu en tout cas. Te te montres plus, en photos et dans tes textes, tes messages.
    Je ne sais pas ce que les lois de marketing, PR, ventes, communication disent sur comment il faut “se vendre”, mais moi, j’aime plus cette façon plus personnelle de communiquer. Ça c’est un blog, un espace personnel par définition. Les gens reviennent ici pour toi, soyons honnêtes!
    Être soi, c’est toujours mieux.

  • Je plussoie! :)

  • la parigina October, 23 2014, 3:09

    Tout à fait d’accord avec Inka. Je ne faisais plus de commentaires car je venais de moins en moins souvent, je ne retrouvais plus dans tes billets l’attention portée aux autres, la proximité avec les lecteurs. Je trouvais cela moins bien, moins naturel.

    Et depuis quelques temps, cela me plaît à nouveau, Comme si tu regardais la vie et les autres autrement, depuis que tu te vois autrement.

    Bravo et bon retour !

  • Lovely post! I have put weight on since my nan died last year and not felt myself in ages!

    Glad you are feeling better about you x

  • Yes, life events can dictate your weight and how you feel about yourself. It seems most of the time we end up losing or gaining weight without even trying.

    http://www.FashionSnag.com

  • Il m’est arrive la meme chose. J’ai change une situation qui ne me convenait plus et -5Kg!
    Je crois qu’il faut suivre ses instincts et vivre sa vie a sa manière ce qui n’est pas tjs facile quand on est en couple;-)
    Bisous bisous

  • C´est marrant ce sujet, mon doc m´a dit quasi la même chose ce matin, que mon corps me parlait, qu´il avait besoin que je l´écoute… Je n´ai pas perdu de poids, du moins je ne pense pas! (J´ai banni les balances de ma vie depuis plusieurs mois déjà et (bordel!!!!! ;)) ca m´a fait un bien fou) Mais quand les soucis encombrent notre tête c´est parfois notre corps qui se décide à nous dire de prendre soin de nous… Merci de nous le rappeler G.

  • En effet, cela se voit, et cela te va mieux. C’est davantage toi.

  • Tout ce que tu dis est très juste !
    Merci parce que c’est aussi rassurant et c’est toujours agréable de lire ta sincérité et de sentir ta bienveillance par ton honnêteté :)

  • You are SO RIGHT! We can not expect being in the same body shape or weight for the rest of our lives!That’s just ridiculous, impossible and boring! I mean…can you imagine having the exactly same body during an entire live??? That would mean we are robots! But as ‘regular’ human beings we evolve and change. In my opinion, we should be more positive about the passage of time. Time means experience, means stories, means adventures, means friends, means LIVE!
    Thank you so much Garance for sharing!
    Best,
    Celia

    http://www.thejournelia.com

  • I love how candid your writing has become. Welcome back.

  • Amen to that. This is possibly one of the best posts you’ve ever written.

  • Agreed. I was missing the more intimate feel from the days of yore, but this reminded me of why I started reading the blog. Lovely, brave, personal insights.

  • Nathalie October, 22 2014, 2:37

    Yes! This is why I came here and stayed here!

  • Totalement d’accord, j’ai vécu et vérifié ça au moins trois fois dans ma vie, et ça tombe bien, parce que moi aussi je suis incapable de faire un régime! Le poids va avec la vie, et pas juste avec l’alimentation. Du coup, quand je me trouve en “surpoids”, je sais que mon corps réagit à mon environnement et ma vie du moment (d’un boulot où je m’ennuie, d’un homme super sédentaire avec qui je vis plus pour lui que pour moi, de tas d’autres trucs qui ne se mesurent pas en calories mais en qualité relationelle…). Et j’ai appris à accepter avec patience “le corps du moment”. Récemment, j’ai changé de pays et de mec, et j’ai perdu les 10 kg (et la vie) qui me pesaient depuis 3 ans!

  • J’avais grossi à cause de trucs indépendants de ma volonté (ah ah).
    Je souhaitais pas revenir toute mince mais être un peu moins lestée. Très doucement, en plusieurs mois, années je suis revenu à quelque chose d’acceptable. En faisant un tout petit peu attention. J’étais contente.

    Et cet été, c’est parti. Parce que j’ai décidé de maigrir en mangeant énormément de chocolat (le truc que j’adore) mais en faisant attention sur ce qui fait grossir et dont je me fous, qui ne me donne aucun plaisir (la crème, le beurre, les plats industriels, les jus, les croissants).
    En faisant du sport sans aucun but de maigrir, mais pour muscler mon dos. Bah tiens, ça a créé des muscles que je recherchais même pas. Mais j’étais contente de les rencontrer.
    En me faisant masser 1 fois par jour à Bali pour le plaisir.

    C’était un programme sans aucune lutte contre mon corps. Qui a fonctionné.
    Bon, et j’ai rompu aussi (mouahahahaha !)

  • Beauty, Intelligence, Kindness. This is what I like about you, about your blog and about life :) Cheers!

    http://www.pinterest.com/GeraldineTrip

  • Romain Gary October, 22 2014, 10:01 / Reply

    Mens sana in corpore sano. Corpus sanum in mente sana.
    Probably, we can say that you body is healthier because your mind (heart? soul?) is healthier now, even beyond your awareness.
    Another reason for wishing you al the best!

  • I hear you Garance. Life changes can either redefine us or reveal us to ourselves, and we can’t ever be sure which it is until we go through our own personal journeys. I’m thrilled for you to have the time and opportunity to reconnect with yourself. I’m sure it has been and will continue to be rewarding!

  • Ma Garance
    our body is the reflection of our soul and everyday it shows us again and again and again…when we have a problem somewhere it means something…there is a wonderful book that i have like a bible and the tittle is tell me where it hurts and i will tell you why.i have it in french ..but i believe you can find it also in english,
    the images coming from fashion are more and more alarming …the girls are thinner and thinner..that was my feeling after the last summer 15 fashion shows….and if you want it or not it influence us…
    i am happy for you that you feel better in your body…as for myself i try….can’t say it’s easy…
    xoxo
    Yael Guetta
    http://www.ftwwl.com

  • Yeah… this subject is endless… I realized that for the past 10 years (!) I am permanently changing my lifestyle.
    And surprise – I still look pretty much the same.
    Every time I plan to become super sporty and fit I really believe that this time it will work.
    FYI I look good anyway – I like my face, I’m tall and rather slim but curvy (like Monica Belucci, not overweight :)) but I always want to be thinner…
    I wonder why I just can’t accept my body the way it is and not think like it’s ‘almost’ perfect.
    Life would be so much easier…

  • You are always inspiring to me, because you are so true and I think if only more women could think this way too we will be much happier. <3

  • asianfreak October, 22 2014, 10:15 / Reply

    Garance,
    C’est vrai que le corps reflète plus qu’un chiffre sur la balance.
    Personellement, 10 jours après mon accouchement je retrouvais mon poids avant grossesse, un mois après j’avais perdu sans le vouloir les 3 kg dont je n’arrivais pas à me débarrasser depuis 5 ans.
    Je suis loin d’être Gisèle, je n’ai pas voulu maigrir, j’étais bien, pas dans le stress du boulot, mais dans cette parenthèse confortable de la maternité avec mon amour de fille.

    Il faut écouter son corps, il a plein de choses à nous révéler.

  • Thank you Garance for sharing this story. I can identify so much with it. I have been trying to loose weight for about 10 years; I used to be 7 and half stone and loved the light version of myself. Over 10 years gained almost a stone despite all the sport and exercise I was doing (ballet, yoga, running- you name it I’ve probably done it). I’ve tried Dukan diet with great results but eventually I I’ve lost a will to live with so much food restrictions. I’ve done 5:2 and juicing, no carbs etc…Eventually, I went to Capoeira class and it was a revelation. I too wanted to have strong arms and legs to be able to do all those crazy things. I’ve decided there and then that I would stop pursuing being skinny and just focus on strong and toned. And I haven’t look back since.
    Ana
    http://www.champagnegirlsabouttown.co.uk

  • So true.

  • Oh my goodness. Tears of emotion have come to my eyes while reading this.

  • merci garance pour ta bienveillance… ça m’a fait du bien de te lire.

  • Parfois c’est bien de s’alléger – la tête , le corps ou la vie.
    J’espère que mon corps en décidera autant quand j’aurais mis au monde ma fille dans 4 mois…pour le moment j’essaye de m’adapter à ce corps que je partage avec elle et dans lequel je ne me reconnais pas forcément.

  • Thanks so much for sharing this story. You’re such an amazing person!

    http://hashtagliz.com

  • Garance this piece is just perfect; and I found Anne Uriot’s comment to be absolutely spot on. Please translate it so that the rest of your American followers can read too.

  • Très beau post.

  • So right. Don’t battle your body. the hardest thing is listening to your body and your intuition when it comes to eating, but when you finally do – a very difficult mind exercise, especially in our fast tech culture – you finally eat best ( and probably lose weight). Mindful eating sounds trite but it the most challenging and rewarding “diet”

  • I had gained 30 pounds over the course of a 3.5 year relationship, and over 2 years dealing with very stressful situations with my mother’s decline, and the end of the relationship, I lost all of it–20 lbs in one year alone, without doing anything. I just lost my appetite. Thank you for sharing your story. Your comments are thought-provoking. I have felt quite alone among my friends for this weight-shedding tendency of mine, but I can’t help it.

  • Thank you so much for sharing your journey. So well-written and totally true!

    You’re lovely and amazing,

    xx from LA, Kristi

    http://www.currentlycrushing.com

  • Love the comment about naked vs. clothed – so very true, somehow naked everything is still pretty, differently pretty but still pretty, its the clothes that are the issue.

    About a year ago I went through a major life change and dropped the extra weight I was carrying, it hasn’t really come back since, and I do feel a bit freer at this weight then I did before. Although I was technically happier back then, on well.

  • Lucinette October, 22 2014, 11:21 / Reply

    So well said. After a year of suffering from an unexplained health problem, I finally ended a relationship that was making me deeply unhappy. As soon as I left, this health problem vanished, as has never returned. Of course I am not saying that all health problems are related to one’s happiness but for me it was clear that at that time, my body was telling me something. It’s important to listen closely to our bodies, whether they are gently shifting their shape or crying out in pain.

  • So true. It has happened to me a couple of times and now in my mid-50s and it has happened to me a couple of times. Most recently maybe ten years ago when just lost 8 pounds and it has stayed off. I do think you just have periods in your life that speak to you in all ways.

  • J’ai adoré lire ce post! Tu as tellement raison!

    Bisous
    http://www.Lauralexo.com

  • Lovely post dear! Thanks for sharing!
    Kiss!
    Passa a trovarmi VeryFP

  • Tu es inspirante Garance. Tu m’accompagnes quotidiennement depuis longtemps aujourd’hui et je dois avouer que ca me fait beaucoup de bien de te lire ce matin. On le sent nous aussi ce shift en toi… Je suis super heureuse de savoir que ton blog est lu par pleins de femmes et j’aimerais que toutes mes amies te lisent! Je suis contente de te savoir bien. Continue a prendre soin de toi,
    Une fidèle lectrice, xo

  • C’est beau ce que tu écris Garance (laconique mais ça vient du fond du coeur) :) <3

  • Oh le beau post qui fait du bien. Intelligence, sagesse, bienveillance… merci.

  • L'épingle October, 22 2014, 12:04 / Reply

    Deux épisodes de ma vie où j’ai perdu du poids : quand je suis partie de chez mes parents (fui ma mère), et quand j’ai licencié mon époux.

  • Garance, You are beautiful at any weight (and, BTW, one of your Zara photos led to my hair stylist to give me the BEST HAIRCUT EVER!).

    Life is a series of cycles, and I have been through a few more than those of you at the studio (I will be 60 — 60!! on my next birthday.) It is wise of you to recognize that, acknowledge it, sit with it. And even when our lives have many iterations, there is always a point when we get back to who we are deep inside. We have to stay true to that and sometimes that realization leads to painful, yet positive, choices. Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us.

  • Lisa Walker October, 22 2014, 12:08 / Reply

    Do you know why I love this blog and read it everyday? Because I see myself here among confident, smart, beautiful women living their lives to their fullest– and living their lives with style. You can’t fake it and you certainly can’t buy it, and you can’t take it away either– not even with an extra ten pounds… So, thank you for showing us just that, and for being so damn gracious as a beautiful modern woman.

  • Merci pour ce post. C’est exactement ce que je vis en ce moment: période de stress, boulot sédentaire où je m’ennuie et malgré le sport, les privations, les régimes, des kilos qui s’accrochent. Mon problème : je n’arrive pas à les accepter, j’ai la nostalgie de mon corps d’avant.Et puis le fait de changer de décennie aussi, ça n’aide pas. Et je suppose que le fait d’en faire une obsession n’arrange pas les choses. Comme tu dis, il faut écouter ce corps, être bienveillante avec lui. Mais parfois, même si on le sait, c’est dur le lâcher-prise.

  • When I saw the title, I knew I was going to LOVE the subject! Garance, I feel ya. I just wrote about this yesterday and last week!

    http://www.itsmecassie.com/rant/renee-zellweger-lesson/

    http://www.itsmecassie.com/fitness/how-to-stop-trash-talking-your-body/

    xo-
    Cassie

  • Un grand O.U.I !!!

    Je suis entièrement d’accord !

    http://www.kitschissime.com/

  • Bravo, Garance ! Sans t’en apercevoir, tu es devenue yogi accomplie :-)

  • Bienveillance, envers soi et et les autres… Un mot qu’on utilise rarement! Ce billet est à la fois touchant et inspirant.
    Merci Garance!

  • I recently moved from Chicago to a much a smaller town and am experiencing a similar effect with my skin, my attitude, my body shape. I love that you have put into words how I’ve been feeling, a sort of coming home to where my body was yearning to be. I’ve always been of the belief that your eating and exercise habits should be for your health, not your shape (sometimes your shape improves as a happy consequence), but I never considered the mental aspect of it. Just feeling right in your body, the mental lightness you get from that is priceless, no matter what size “right” is.

  • Très juste ce post ! Et les commentaires me parlent. J’ai également perdu du poids après une rupture, sans rien faire de spécial (du moins pas consciemment). Dans mon cas c’était quand-même beaucoup lié à la tristesse, mais en même temps, on me faisait tellement de compliments sur ma mine, ma silhouette, que ça m’a requinquée, je me suis dit, si j’arrive à être jolie tout en tournant cette énorme page très lourde, tant mieux ! et j’ai eu envie de garder ce poids , juste avec le bonheur et la sérénité en plus. Et c’est possible ! :) Bises

  • Yes so beautifully said!! If you listen to yourself you can normally find what is going on
    In Dramatic Fashion

  • Tu es toute resplendissante avec ton nouveau ancien ‘moi’. Retour aux sources..
    Garance, j’aimerais t’envoyer un livre qui va te plaire à NYC. Peux-tu me donner une adresse où l’envoyer? (la dernière fois que j’ai demandé, je n’ai pas eu de réponse..). Bises

  • This was really something I needed to read, thank you so much for writing it. I completely know how you feel, looking at yourself in the mirror and not feeling like you know who that person is. Our weight is portrayed to us as this thing that we need to control, when really it’s part of us a whole. We look a certain way as part of a lifestyle.

    Again, thanks for writing this.
    x Kelly
    http://www.beautyandthebeachblog.com

  • Alice Ritter October, 22 2014, 12:55 / Reply

    C’est tellement vrai!! Merci de ta candeur, ca fait du bien!!

  • oh garance, i loved this. thank you for reminding us to be kind to ourselves.

  • This is such an inspiring post. I’ve always had problems with my weight. Not that I was too heavy, on the contrary, I’ve always been too light. And when I finally had an acceptable weight for my height I didn’t feel good in my own body. The last few years my weight has dropped to what some people will call, underweight. Not because I don’t eat or have some kind of disorder, but just because that’s the way it is. I drop weight very easily when I get something silly like a flu but it takes ages to get it back on. And maybe it’s stupid but I never felt so good in my own body. Underweight or not, I;m happy the way it is and I;m happy with the person in that mirror. And I think that, as long as you’re healthy, is the most important thing. xx

  • Hi Garance, so many great comments, they (and, of course, your latest posts) really make me feel like saying thank you, too. Never found any other blog that I could agree with and be happy with and read with such a pleasure daily. And in such good company! And now that I moved to Montreal from over the ocean I can even read it in the morning with coffee and breakfast, and I love that, too! Last week, being in New York (my big crush always since the first day I first got there), I also thought that it’s so nice to always be in the city a little via your blog..

  • Arrivant encore une fois en fin de commentaires, je ne peux qu’agreer avec ce mot :
    bienveillance.
    Si seulement on pouvait se donner autant d’amour que l’on peut en donner aux autres, nous irions beaucoup mieux.

  • Charlotte October, 22 2014, 2:48 / Reply

    Merci Garance pour ce moment de vérité, ce bon sens et cette pertinence qui va à l’encontre de tout ce que les mag de mode nous ressassent et nous ressassent sans cesse…..”régime et taille 36 les must have pour être bien dans sa peau” ! S’ils pouvaient juste une fois être honnête et exprimer un moment ce que les femmes de 40 ans ont envie d’entendre. Et c’est pour ça que tu a autant de succès….Merci d’être une vraie femme de ton temps !

  • J ai retrouvé mon poids et mon corps 4 semaines après mon accouchement. Sans effort, sans privation, sans frustration. Mes copines me détestent , mon médecin me demande de me nourrir plus… Je finis par croire que je suis simplement en harmonie avec la vie. Ce bébé je l ai tellement attendu (5 ans!)

  • J etais en train de ecrire un peu la meme chose. Je pense que c est ça, si on se sens bien, tout ça qui on croyait impossible passe. (mon francais est horrible, pardon)

  • Thanks for this post. I had a very similar experience after a five-year relationship in which I lost about 10 pounds without really thinking about it. That was 14 years ago and I’ve never looked back at the relationship with regret nor have I put the weight back on. Positive life changes can happen when least expected and can have farther-reaching consequences than I certainly expected.

  • giovanna October, 22 2014, 3:11 / Reply

    Et bien moi c’est l’inverse. Ma relation m’avait fait perdre beaucoup de poids, le visage et le corps maigres, les joues creuses. Les gens me demandaient en permanence ce que j’avais..s’inquiétaient. J’ai longtemps mis ça sur le compte du travail, du speed, de la vie de famille..bref, tout sauf l’évidence.
    Jusqu’à ce que l’évidence devienne évident à mes yeux. Je me suis séparée et depuis …j’ai repris du poids..et de l’appetit ..et ça fait du bien…meme si on se dit qu’il faudra tout de meme faire attention;)
    Le corps a besoin d’etre en harmonie avec nos pensées et nos volontés. Si nous nous mentons il nous le fait payer ..et ça peut etre bien plus grave que quelques kilos en moins ou en trop…
    ne pas se tromper de chemin:)

  • I love this and I can relate. I believe when we feel our best inside, when we are truly embodying true self this naturally reflects on the outside. Its hard to explain, though I understand not feeling like who you are. Really sweet post and it is nice to hear the reality and the humility that exists, when at times we think it is only happening to us.
    peace.

  • It’s not the breakup per se that makes you lose weight. It’s the fact that when you are with someone you go out to eat more, more sweets more good food, you have a reason to try every new restaurant. At least in my experience. When my husband is in town, I eat a lot, when he’s out of town I can eat a small salad or a small soup for dinner with no bread and I’m ok. But when’s home I just feel like taking out the recipe book or trying a new restaurant. I’m glad he travels a lot for work otherwise my pants wouldn’t fit.

  • I think break ups, and other events that are emotionally complex, simply somehow make you lose appetite, well at least in my experience.

  • Justement mon corps ne va pas du tout en ce moment mais je ne sais pas trop quoi faire…Ce post me fait réfléchir!

  • Frédérique October, 22 2014, 3:27 / Reply

    Tellement vrai! Je ressens beaucoup ça aussi. J’aime ma vie mais je dois la porter (enfant, travail d’indépendante, famille, un mari que j’aime mais DONC une relation de couple à s’occuper, etc) et j’ai quelques kilos en trop…. en fait comme si mon corps me disait que ma vie avait un peu quelque chose en trop. Mais bon je ne suis pas à l’étape de choisir..

  • Big changes influence your body. I got pregnant at 32 and, though I was really happy, I couldnt avoid thinking about my body and how much it was going to irreversibly change for the worst because I wasnt 25. I thought it was a fact, I mean I gave it no credit to staying the same. I had seen many friends and relatives who got pregnant, even younger than me, and gained a lot of weight, ended up losing that unnatural weight in them with consequences such as lots of stretch marks and a bulgy stomach. I ended up only gaining 9 kg, just eating healthy, and honestly, I think my body looked the same not two weeks, but two days after having the baby. I think that if we help a little, or at least make an effort not to disrupt it so much, our bodies always find their balance.

  • Benedicte October, 22 2014, 3:34 / Reply

    Mais oui c’est tellement vrai. Je crois qu’il faut “écouter” son corps ; comme je suis persuadée qu’on n’est pas malade par hasard, non plus.

  • Beautiful thoughts from a beautiful person. Thanks for sharing with us (Gracias)

  • Garance, wonderful wonderful post !! Thank you so so much — is there any way you could elaborate or share a bit more? My weight has been driving me mad too but I’ve been starting to realize some of the same things your saying here. I take it you lightened up, mentally? Wonderful :) Can you tell us more about how you got to that mental place? Any particular books or therapy or such that helped you get here?
    Thank you so much !!
    xx
    Anna

  • princessglee October, 22 2014, 3:47 / Reply

    I lost some weight recently too, ’bout 10 lbs.. I think I look and feel great. Had nothing at all to do with a break-up and everything to do with communicating with myself deep down. And of course, of looking at myself with kindness. Wish I could explain how that works but I’m at a lost for words–it’s a way of being.

  • Lovely post. And gorgeous illustration.
    Thank you

  • I really appreciate this open and honest post. I’m going through the same thing although I confess I think my equilibirum is somewhere between my “old” body and my “heavier” body. That said, I’m starting to feel OK with that especially because I’m really starting to take ownership (and even sometimes pride) over my body. Thanks for sharing.

  • Stella White October, 22 2014, 4:11 / Reply

    Merci Garance pour ce post sincère et bienveillant, aussi, envers tes lectrices. Marre des gens qui n’associent l’image du corps qu’à ce qu’il engloutit. Le corps parle, il a sa propre intelligence et son language. Rien ne sert de le combattre. C’est en l’acceptant et en l’écoutant qu’on l’apprivoise. J’espère que tu me liras, c’est un sujet important pour moi pour différentes raisons personnelles. Bises, Garance

  • Garance, you always say it so beautifully. You have found the secret to weight. Be happy in your skin and your mind and you will be at peace with your body. I found yoga and that made the pounds melt away. It grounded me. I finally found that if I accepted my body at whatever size and shape it was, then eventually it would be where i wanted it to be and so much healthier.

  • catherine October, 22 2014, 4:31 / Reply

    You really are the best thing on the Internet. Bravo to you. I have read you from practically your start and it has been gratifying to see your development, which lately has taken a satisfyingly deep, reflective turn.

    FYI: it’s easy to lose weight after a baby if you breastfeed exclusively for six months. Good for baby; good for maman, if she doesn’t have to work. I was lucky to have a boss who let me work from home so I could breastfeed.

    However, menopause is a killer. I put on 10 pounds in about 1.5 months and haven’t been able to get them off. I look at my legs and wonder whose they are. And what is this roll around my stomach? I never was skinny, but I was well within the normal range. Now, I’m on the edge between normal and overweight, which to fashionable people means huge. I’ve cut out everything, but the weight doesn’t budge. As if menopause and gray hairs and all that weren’t depressing enough, there’s also weight gain to cement that frumpiness.

  • Another Kate October, 22 2014, 7:08

    I hear you. Menopause is no fun at all, but I’m learning to just recognise it for what it is – a normal, natural process – and everyone else can just go to hell!! Or is that just my menopausal grumpiness?

  • Garance, I love this story! I have been holding onto 5 pounds for about a year, after a lifetime of being thin without much effort. I’m 48 and feel like I have to finally admit that maybe there really is nothing we can do about aging and gaining a little. But the thing is, I walk 4 miles almost every day, do some yoga, and eat really healthily. I still think I look fine, and yet it bugs me that my pants are tight! Stupid, huh? I still hope that I get back to my old weight, but I’m not going to torture myself. Thanks for the inspiration!

  • Janette Lebron October, 22 2014, 4:43 / Reply

    This post was so inspiring, especially your final words…they really made me think about my own life and what my body is “telling” me. Merci!!

  • Great insight Garance!
    Yes, our body is a reflection of our feelings and thoughts.
    He’s always trying to say to us what’s going on
    But most of the time we don’t listen
    We don’t take care of ourselves, we’re always waiting for that external miracle that’s gonna change everything (a new diet or pill, a new exercise machine, a perfect job or man or life…)
    And at some point we get it.
    It’s about us, nothing less, nothing more.
    We all have that inner power
    But sometimes we have to feel we don’t have it, in order to rediscover it like a brand new beginning.
    Cheers for you
    You have discovered your inner goddess!!!

  • Lucila Etchegaray October, 22 2014, 5:05 / Reply

    Garance,
    Is such a pleasure to read your blog, I find a reflection in each word. Excellent post, so sincere and easy to identify.
    Just makes me think so much about me and my body and all those times I tell myself I should be different, when all I should do is just live, live and live!
    For more women in the world with acceptance, cheers to that.
    Thanks!
    Lucila.

  • I never usually comment – but this is so honest, so real and just so darn accurate.
    I think by no means this a reflection of you being unhappy in the past – and more about you finding the balance now, where you possibly had different priorities before… that led to an imbalance of sorts.
    It’s lovely to read about how good you are feeling.
    I can just imagine how much lighter you feel walking down the street….
    And funnily enough, I don’t mean that because of the weight loss!
    The state of the mind is truly a beautiful thing!! xx

  • I love such posts of yours.

    Congratulations on achieving your ideal weight!

    I’m so glad you said that it’s not about how many exercise classes one attends. It’s how we treat ourselves.

    Anceeta.com

  • patricia October, 22 2014, 5:32 / Reply

    there is no better feeling than feeling good and comfortable in your own skin, which to me is true happiness !!! If that is the result of a breakup, then it’s a positive thing. Congratulations on feeling your true self again !!!

  • Garance, your writing has some sadness in it and I think that you’re in a new phase in your life which is exciting, crazy scary, and new. Yet somehow this nagging thing that has pestered you for so long–those damn 10 pounds!!!–now signify a small piece of a larger loss you’ve experienced. Your body went on a journey with you and now it’s back to it’s normal state, maybe with a couple of more battle scars but more beautiful for it. Like seeing an old friend again, someone you knew that now has all these new stories.

  • La même chose m’est arrivée, et je dois dire que c’est une expérience fantastique!
    Après une adolescence sportive, j’avais arrêté le sport durant mes études et mon corps s’était transformé (traduction: 6 ou 7 kilos s’étaient gentiment et durablement distribués!)
    Des années à tester des régimes sans trop de motivation, des sports de toute sorte abandonnés au bout de deux séances…
    Et puis en quelques mois j’ai perdu mes 6 kilos, tout doucement, sans m’en rendre compte: j’étais partie à l’étranger, rejoindre mon amoureux pour une année d’étude, la vie était belle et je ne m’angoissais plus avec mon poids, pour la première fois depuis belle lurette!
    Je remercie mère nature de m’avoir donné un coup de pouce de la sorte,
    depuis rien ne bouge, je garde mon poids forme et j’abandonne toujours les séances de sport au bout de deux séances :)

  • My weight and skin definitely reflect the changes I go through in life. Thank you for sharing this story! I always come back for your candid writing.

  • I have never really commented on anything, even though i have been following this blog daily for years now, because i’m a bit, let’s say, “socially shy”, but this post really touched me and a wanted to thank you so so so much. I am going through an intense break up and i’m tryig to get to know the person that i’m right now: i’m not the same that i was four years ago and that is so hard, so draining. I know it might sound kinda crazy, but readig your post and the other comments made me feel better, made me appreciate myself a bit more. You are an amazing human being! Thank you for sharing Garance!

  • Lovely honest post Garance!! xx

  • Beautiful…..your comments, your transparency, your illustration. Bravo, Garance, and thank you for sharing yourself with us. Your authenticity is inspiring and empowering. : ) I have read your blog for. ever. and this is one of your best!

  • Congratulations Garance! You always looked beautiful but I know how much better one feels at the right weight.

    I gained 10 pounds as I approached age 50. I am 52 now and have lost the weight, but did not follow a particular diet. I cut back a little on starchy foods, and slightly decreased my portions. The change was so minimal that it took over a year to lose the weight (that’s sort of my style :-))

    Some women gain weight in middle age and decide to stay the new weight. I just didn’t feel comfortable so decided to make the effort to get back to my old weight. I have zero will power so it took a long time but I’m glad I did. Now the slightly reduced amount of food each day seems natural and I didn’t have to go on some draconian diet.

  • I experienced something similar after the death of my long term husband – who I loved and still love dearly.
    I was myself again, alone (not lonely – that is different) and reverted to who I was meant to be as a single – not as a couple.
    Strange, even my taste in clothes changed, as well as my body (menopause … you didn’t win!) and my outlook of who I am.
    Thank you for sharing Garance. You brought fragility to my day, and that is good… for today.

  • Merci Garance pour ce très beau post plein de sagesse!
    Moi aussi j ai le sentiment de retrouver la fraicheur et la spontanéité qui te caractérisent et font la richesse de ton blog et le bonheur de tes lectrices fidèles..

  • I sooo want to be the snarky one to say, “girl, you got rid of 185-ish lbs, time to CELEBRATE!”

    However… I am so completely touched by how your honesty has moved readers. The community you have built here is so special, treasure it. My metabolism has it’s ebbs and flows and my pants are telling me that it’s time to be more vigilant about my workouts, but the key for me is to not beat myself up about it. Our routines and lives go through so much change, to me the important thing is to be in touch with how you feel. Love this post so much Garance, thanks for sharing.

  • Aly Clarke October, 22 2014, 9:59 / Reply

    Hallelujah sister xx

  • Super article qui fait réfléchir au manque de bienveillance que nous avons souvent envers nous-même ! Merci Garance

    http://lattesanssucre.com
    Le blog à boire au bureau

  • This is such a beautiful post! Your writing really resonates with me and all the changes in my life over the past year. Thank you!

  • Allison Stamey October, 22 2014, 11:57 / Reply

    What a great post! Thank you Garance. Your greatness knows no bounds. Last year I was feeling exactly like that! Then I went to Paris with my boyfriend for Christmas. I decided ahead of time to just live it up and enjoy everything. And you know what? I lost the weight that was bugging me. We ate and drank everything we wanted and just relaxed and had no stress. I wasn’t thinking about all of the unimportant things that are usually a part of my everyday. Lesson learned. Enjoy the moment! ????????????

  • Clotilde October, 23 2014, 1:09 / Reply

    Je n’ai rien contre ton analyse mais je dirais juste de faire attention à ne pas rendre notre cerveau ou les circonstances extérieures entièrement responsables de notre…poids.
    Lorsque le corps est lourd etc, ça peut effectivement vouloir dire qu’un truc psychique ne va pas, mais ça peut aussi vouloir dire que c’est la fête au village dans notre corps biochimique! Par exemple des dérèglements hormonaux, qui ont toujours existé, surtout à certains stades de la vie des femmes, mais qui sont sûrement pire à notre époque très polluée (environnement + alimentation). Et ça, on peut parfois le résoudre relativement facilement. Donc il ne faut pas seulement s’occuper de notre tête, mais aussi se poser des questions sur notre biologie (bon, c’est la biologiste qui parle là, c’est sûr…).

  • C’est souvent lorsqu’on arrête de se faire la guerre que l’on se détend et que le corps se relâche aussi c’est vrai. Plus on se stresse, plus on mange en culpabilisant, moins on est douce avec soi et son corps qui disent stop et on se met à compenser…et à grossir ! Je crois que le stress joue énormément et comme tu le dis, si c’est arrivé sans réfléchir, c’est sûrement que tu n’étais pas en train de torturer l’esprit. En tout cas, moi ça marche comme ça et oui mon corps aussi suit complètement la courbe de mes états émotionnels..
    Bref, encore une fois, dans cet article que du vécu et une vraie expérience. Heureuse pour toi que tu “just feel good” !

  • I don’t usually comment but I found this post to be honest and quite raw. I gave birth 6 weeks ago. Having lost the fluid retention and my son’s body weight (he was 8 pounds at birth) I am now 10 pounds over my usually weight. There is so much pressure to snap back, but it took me 9 months to get to this stage and I think I should allow myself another 9 months to get back to where I was. It is all about cycles!

  • Remember there is one great upside of gaining healthy weight: Your face looks younger. Notice women who are dieting and are skinny, usually it affects the face and gives more unwanted wrinkles. Remember what Catherine Deneuve said: After a certain age, you have to choose between your fanny and your face.”

  • Oh Garance, I think you are so right!! I’m experiencing the same as you at the moment, I have been weighting 6-8 extra kgs for the past 6 years and finally I am getting back to my normal weight. The clue? I solved a really hard family problem and now that everything is over I feel as light as a feather!! That reflects in my body. I also struggled all these years because I didn’t feel me in my own body, which adds more pain to the inner problem that is causing the overweight, but indeed the way forward is to love yourself, treasure yourself, be patient, understand and see your body as a friend, as an ally (it really is), not as the enemy.

  • Quel beau récit. Bienveillance, c’est cela!
    D’ailleurs, tu es canon sur la série Zara!

  • Tu as raison, il faut laisser faire les choses et la nature, sans brusquer son corps, sans le maltraiter, sans lui imposer des régimes débiles !

  • beautifully said. x

  • Je t’aime

  • Bonjour Garance,
    Comme ton post résonne à mes oreilles!
    Je pense qu’en Occident on a trop longtemps considéré le corps et le psychisme, l’âme, “le soi intérieur” comme deux entités différentes et distincts, surtout en médecine d’ailleur
    s, alors qu’il s’agit en fait d’un même tout, un ensemble de deux éléments
    interdépendants l’un de l’autre.
    Ta rupture a peut être été comme un
    manteau trop lourd qu’on enlève au
    printemps. Tu étais bien au chaud
    dedans, mais est venu le moment qu’il
    tombe, de ton corps et dans ta tête aussi.
    Tu sembles plus apaisée ici et ton écriture ressemble beaucoup plus à ce qu’elle était auparavant.
    Bienvenu chez toi Garance!

  • I love this post. And moreover your illustration is lovely, as always

    http://www.sassique.com

  • Tu es une personne vraie dans tous les sens du mot. Je te suis très souvent mais je n’ai jamais commenté avant. Ce post est émouvant et d’une sincérité désarmante. Bravo et merci d’être une source d’inspiration.
    Simone.

  • On fait de plus en plus de recherche en médecine sur ce qu’on appelle “le deuxième cerveau” et qui n’est autre que notre tube digestif. C’est un système nerveux à part entière qui essaie de communiquer avec nous et il faut apprendre à l’écouter.
    Le corps humain est extrêmement bien fait mais il ne peut communiquer que par des sensations qui sont noyées sous les pensées envahissantes de notre cerveau “il faut faire du sport tous les jours, il ne faut pas sauter de repas, le petit-déj c’est indispensable”, ignorez ces messages, écoutez-vous, soyez patientes, votre corps sait.
    Et soyez indulgentes, bienveillantes comme le dit si bien Garance, après des années à l’ignorer, cette communication innée va prendre un certain temps à se réinstaller. Mais c’est la seule voie vers la paix avec soi-même.
    Merci pour ce post.

  • For me when I am stressed out…I am constantly nauseated, my skin says “eff you”, & my appetite (including for water) collapses. I . look. horrible. So much so that i swear i begin to look like smeagol form Lord of the Rings.

    When I am glowing, and ‘fluffy’, with an extra 10 pounds on my bones is usually just after summer vacation when i indeed do feel at my happiest/most relaxed. But you are right Garance, when we judge ourselves a little less, and can look in the mirror, turn around & (non-narcissistically) go “pas mal”…then the world can see it on our faces.

  • Ouiiiiiiiii !!!! Bravo pour ce post qui fait du bien.
    BIENVEILLANCE et HARMONIE, écoute de soi, plénitude, détachement et lâcher-prise, épanouissement et altruisme,… Tous ces mots, ces concepts de vie pas toujours facile à intégrer, qui nous laissent nous révéler tels que nous sommes. Tout doucement sans qu’on s’en aperçoive.
    Merci Garance et vive ton blog.

  • Marisa Tonezzer October, 23 2014, 5:17 / Reply

    Congratulations for the article. The last paragraph is a wisdom gem.

  • Birkenstock October, 23 2014, 5:37 / Reply

    Totally true in my mind. Our body is the closest friend. He wants to support us – of course not our external seen personality (the marketing department of ourself), but our inner essence. But our body is a code talker and therefore often understood retrospectively only. And he will not be silent, until our inner imbalance is on the way to be solved. Ask physiotherapists or doctors – they can tell you a lot of stories. Wy our body is damned complicated talking in codes – wy we don’t get a clear message to our mind? Maybe because all our wishes are subject to censorship of our marketing departement (superego)- and it is very restrictive.

  • Quel beau post,,, il suffit de lire les réponses si positives et touchées par tant de vérité. Au fond, la mode, les tendances, la beauté, le poids, les photos…etc tout à un dénominateur commun : être qui on est pour de vrai.
    Vu depuis l’extérieur c’est curieux de faire un petit flash-back dans tes photos en couple et voir le langage corporel, je n’en dirais pas plus. Seulement que ça ne m’étonne pas que ton corps soit revenu à son poids originel.
    Welcome back Garance.

  • great post. your honesty is truly touching. thanks for sharing. hugs from hamburg.

  • This was such a brilliant post! Thank you!! I have experienced the same thing – I’m 5kg lighter and feel so much more myself, I’m happier than I’ve ever been!!xx

  • Garance, thanks.
    Your post and the comments have reminded me of a song I really like, “A donde sea” by Julieta Venegas, a great mexican singer and songwriter (http://youtu.be/NAbhuMyq31k ).
    It’s about being again oneself but in a different way after a break up, and it starts like this (I translate it from Spanish, or try to, at least):

    “Tengo una cita pendiente, con mi soledad,
    para ver quién soy cuando nadie está mirando;
    Tengo una cita pendiente con la mujer que soy,
    no la que fui hace tanto ni la que ven los demás;
    Tengo una cita con tu recuerdo,
    para ver que queda aun de ti”

    “I have a pending date with myself,
    to discover who am I when nobody is looking;
    I have a pending date with the woman I am,
    not the one I was before or the one people see;
    I have a date with my memories of you
    to see what’s left from you”.

  • c’est exactement çà ! j’ai pris beaucoup de poids entre fausses couches et grossesse difficile. après l’accouchement, j’ai surveillé mon alimentation, essayé le sport les massages et tout un tas de trucs. le jour où je me suis acceptée telle que mon corps était devenu en essayant de le mettre en valeur, j’ai perdu du poids beaucoup plus vite qu’en une année. les rencontres, les déclics, l’épanouissement et la sérénité au quotidien ont plus d’effet que l’obsession.

  • This post really resonates with the video I just watched. Kate Holden, the author, concludes by saying “Let us try harder not to try so hard.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZy26S2r38s

  • bonjour Garance

    Je suis touchée par votre post et suis à 500 % ok avec vous..
    A chacune nos alléas de la vie qui ns permettent en quelque sorte de revenir ns même
    parfois en passant par une ” souffrance ”…
    je viens moi-même de subir une intervention ” sur le sein ” et malgré cette période
    qui peut paraître terrifiante, j’avoue renouer avec mon corps, perdre mes kgs, retrouver ma féminité
    renouer avec mon corps , avec moi-même.

    Je vous suis depuis vos début et j’ai ce que vs êtes et ce que vs faites

    http://www.nicole-violeau.book.fr

    au plaisir
    Nicole

  • urban.cat October, 23 2014, 7:37 / Reply

    Hi Garance! I am really happy for you and I love your post. A life change can have an effect on your weight, definitely. But please make that sure you tell your doctor about this and anything else that may have changed, and do not miss your regular medical checks. When my mother lost weight for no reason, it was due to an onset of diabetes, which we did not realize for a long time. I do not mean to scare you. I just want to add that yes, our bodies do have ways to communicate with us, and sometimes they can signal health issues. Just keep that in mind, guys.

  • Joli post!
    j’ai 29 ans, un enfant et je suis séparée de son papa depuis quelques mois maintenant…quelques temps avant la rupture, j’ai commencé à ma grande surprise à perdre du poids, des kilos que j’avais accumulé depuis les 10 dernières années…aucun effort, juste une vie plus saine peut être, plus sportive (oh comme on se jette sur le sport quand la vie va moins bien!)…des soucis plein la tête aussi…
    Toujours est-il que je suis aujourd’hui mieux dans ma peau que je ne l’ai jamais été, je suis plus active, plus en contrôle et en même temps plus sereine…alors oui, le corps lance des messages! et m’a fait un joli cadeau pour mon entrée dans la trentaine, pleine de dynamisme et plus forte!

  • Tes dessins sont vraiment superbes !! J’adore

    xo
    http://stansmithwho.blogspot.fr/

  • This caused a jolt of recognition, except it happened to me in reverse: I unintentionally lost some weight–like you, not all that much, yet significant on me–found myself again and THEN the relationship ended, in this case a very long marriage. Thank you for the additional insight, very interesting… And it sure does feel good to feel like yourself again, doesn’t it ;-)

  • I so applaud you for writing about this topic! Thank you for sharing your story and your stories to come, for that matter! I totally get what you are saying here. SO HAPPY YOU BRING UP THIS!!!!
    Emotions, mindset, feelings of happy life or depressing and trying times in life, all effect the body and weight. Emotions can even make you sick, we all know this! Emotions can cause weight gain or loss. Both is normal. I have yet to try Yoga! (on my to do list) I think it so healthy to acknowledge that there is a relationship with mind and body- to find the golden balance.

  • weight is the battle of each woman ;)
    i have lost weight eating healthier and doing more exercises!
    i’m italian and i live in italy so it’s easy for me to eat healthy food.
    but most important, weight is so closely related to how we feel inside, we just have to let u
    our bodies live and be natural.
    that’s my 2cent ;)
    lots of love
    carlotta
    http://charlottenotgainsbourg.wordpress.com/

  • Coucou garance
    L idee de ton post est belle mais je ne le trouve pas bienveillant avec les autres: j ai justement perduen un mois mes 11kg de grossesse sans y penser: m occuper de mon bebe , l allaiter , c est ma morpho
    Pourquoi ce serait flippant?? La tolerance des differences de morpho c est ca la bienveillance
    Dans la rue certaines me regardaient de travers enceinte … C est nul

    Contente que tu te sentes bien

  • 10 ans que je me bats contre ces 10 kg que j’ai pris depuis mon entrée dans la vie professionnelle,
    et que je perds le combat à chaque fois, certainement parce que comme tu dis, ça ne doit pas être un combat, $et qu’il y a d’autres choses à régler.
    Merci pour ce post.

  • Just wanted to say thank you for all you comments. I didn’t have time to answer yesterday but I read them all…
    It’s very touching to feel so understood and supported :) THANK YOU

  • Garance, I just wanted to say how much I adore you. Your candor and honesty are such a bright spot in a world where women are bombarded with unrealistic nonsense. You’re fantastic. Thank you.

  • Dearest Garance, I have for the last 15 years grappled with the fluctuation of my weight. Your voice and very real post brought me my aha moment! Since reading it I feel “lighter” in my mind and heart about my weight gain and have started that introspective journey – for me it has been my career and job and being unhappy for so long. My last day at my current work place is tomorrow and I cannot wait to let go of all the manifestations that came with it! Thank you for being my “lightbulb”in my light bulb moment this week xx

  • Thank you for your heartfelt post, Garance. I love reading them because most of the time, like this one, what you’re experiencing in terms of the body, resonates so much with us. And it now goes beyond the body; it’s touching the very soul of us.

    Cheers!

  • Catherine October, 23 2014, 11:05 / Reply

    the only thing better than the break up diet is the falling in love diet so you have that to look forward to as well! bisous

  • yes!!! as a dancer, i really really relate to your post. i have read your blog for so many years and have never posted, but am always (like all of us) in love with how you make me feel like i have a sister out there who gets things. i’m not at all in the fashion world (and i don’t even try to dress like i am — i am a born boring classicist and that’s that), but you write in ways that just make me feel like you are a friend. anyway, i love this post and totally support it. our bodies are so wise, and yet somehow our minds, only in hindsight, gain the wisdom that ‘aha! you were just doing your thing, body, and it took me a while to realize what was happening!’ i like that you are totally saying that there is no good or bad about what you were experiencing. i also can imagine there is a lot about your experience that you didn’t write in your post, like what the largesse of 10 pounds meant, or what the discomfort in your body was signaling about your life — so many juicy things for you to explore. thank you for sharing this! it is personal, but yet still has boundaries, and i just really appreciate it. go, garance!! :)

  • Two things…
    If you love your body, you always will look well.
    I can tell, I am 54 and love my body.
    And still I am observing men looking at me.
    And…
    Every age has it’s body.
    I know women at my age, who try so hard to loose wheight. If they are super skinny, it looks unnatural and weired.
    I rather prefer my soft curves….;)
    The secret is in the clothes and attitude.
    (These are three things already)
    You have a wonderful attitude.
    Never worry!!
    You will have all the happiness in your live, Garance…
    With love, even we don’t know each other!
    Patricia

  • Wow. You just put into words what I can’t or couldn’t. Definitely a good read until the final word. Thank you.

  • Personally every time I go through a break up I always lose 10lbs, and when I start to get comfortable in a relationship, I gain those pounds back. Even though it may not feel like “myself” and I may be slightly uncomfortable in my skin, for me it’s a sign that subconsciously the pressure if off – I don’t feel I have to impress the other sex anymore. I don’t really think it’s more complicated than that. Of course I still take care of myself nutritionally and otherwise, but it’s biological. We are still animals, after all. I think your discomfort with the comfort is a conflict between biology and modern civilisation.

  • Bravo pour ce texte plein de bienveillance. Ca fait du bien!!

  • Beautiful.

    Thank you for sharing.

  • Rousspétée October, 23 2014, 4:05 / Reply

    Merci. J’aime bien la façon dont tu nous racontes, avec pudeur et sensibilité, un truc qu’on est nombreuses à avoir ressenti à un moment ou un autre : des fois, notre corps nous fait passer un message sur notre vie. Qu’il se sente bien ou mal, il faut savoir l’écouter parce que ça dit souvent beaucoup sur ce qu’on se fait vivre à nous. Tout nous. Notre personne. Pour ma part, à un moment de ma vie, j’ai pris comme un coup de vieux. Et du poids aussi. Et je ne me sentais plus en phase avec le miroir. Et puis, des années plus tard, alors que je m’étais retrouvée, j’ai fini par piger : je m’étais enfermée dans une vie qui ne m’allait pas et mon corps marquait tout ce que je refusais d’exprimer. Une fois libérée de cette vie là, j’ai eu l’air de rajeunir un p’tit coup et le miroir me renvoyait bien l’image de moi. Tout ça “collait”. Alors maintenant, des fois, quand je sens que mon p’tit corps a un souci, je lui pose la question “qu’est-ce que tu essayes de me dire, là ? “. Et j’essaye de me piger. C’est pas toujours facile mais c’est toujours payant je trouve.

  • C’est super intéressant tout ce que tu dis là et je suis entièrement d’accord avec toi.
    Ce qui se passe dans notre corps est le reflet de notre moi intérieur!
    Ton article me rappelle le livre de Lise Bourbeau – les 5 blessures qui nous empêchent d’être soi-même.
    Dans ce livre, l’auteur nous décrit 5 (ou 6) types de corps physique (maigre, mince, moyen, gros) et chaque caractère / blessures correspondant à tel corps. C’est un livre très intéressant et qui m’a bien parlé, je vais le relire d’ailleurs.

  • Oooh thank you for posting this today!

    I just had a baby (six weeks!) and the whole body thing is so tough. You reminded me that it’s not normale to be your old weight after pregnancy- and to have a little compassion for these bodies that carry us through all kinds of miraculous experiences- day to day living, yoga classes and, yes, child birth. Thank you!

  • Trop cool. J’adore cette notion de bienveillance, que l’on n’apprend pas d’emblée.
    Cela a déjà été dit et c’est ton blog donc tes choix doivent être respectés, mais je réitère (avec gentillesse donc!): cela serait bien si tu nous montrais des photos de femmes un peu plus en chair, aussi. Cela aiderait les femmes à se diriger vers cette bienveillance. Cordialement.

  • I have to read this several times to finally understand what you’re saying (and maybe, I still really don’t understand it fully). Thanks for pointing it out.

  • Body power ! Moi avec ma maladie, je suis contente d’avoir simplement un corps qui marche, je veux dire “qui se déplace encore”. Et j’y bosse au quotidien :) Avec joie et bonne humeur.

    “et de toutes les conneries qui me sont passées par la tête à des moments où j’ai dû plier et ranger très très loin au fond du placard pour ne pas la voir ma jupe YSL en cuir mauve qui ne fermait plus mais alors plus mais plus du tout, cette conne.” : MDR La plus hilarante ayant été la phase cro magnon ou paléo :D J’imagine la tribu Studio vétue de “midi skirts” en peau d’auroch, sagaie à la main, poursuivant un rhinoceros laineux le long de Broadway :)

    Et j’aime bien la New Garance, elle émaille ses posts de facéties. Un peu comme les Mistral gagnant, éparpillés de ci de là, et quand on les trouve c’est délicieux ;)

  • olivia-cd October, 24 2014, 3:44 / Reply

    Très beau texte, merci.

  • cordier julie October, 24 2014, 6:11 / Reply

    Garance, merci beaucoup pour ce billet doux ! Je suis tout à fait d’accord avec toi, j’ai pour ma part perdu 3 kilos que je me trainais depuis 1 an et demi suite à l’arrêt du tabac et comme par enchantement depuis que j’a décidé de quitter mon job de directrice marketing où je ne m’épanouissais pas du tout et bien – 4 kilos sur la balance comme si je m’étais liberée d’un poids, ou que j’ai enlevé mon armure ! Souvent le temps est LA solution et ne soyons pas trop dures avec nous-mêmes ! vive la bienveillance
    Bonne journée

  • Garance, j’ai toujours été plutôt rondelette mais, avec mes hauts et mes bas, je me suis toujours aimée et acceptée. Puis je suis tombée enceinte, une grossesse désirée et sereine… et voilà que je me retrouve en pleures devant le miroir, à observer un corps qui change à vitesse hyperbolique, qui n’est plus “moi”… est ça me fait un bien fou de lire ton billet! Même si on lit souvent sur la toile des post sur l’acceptation de soi, le tien touche vraiment quelque chose chez moi. ça n’as pas de sens, pour moi, de nier les différences et les changements, de se dire que maigre ou grosse c’est la même chose… interroger son corps nous met dans la position de bien entendre les réponses que notre âme glisse par ici et par là, entre un bourrelet et l’autre. :-) Merci beaucoup et félicitations pour ton très bon travail.

  • Et oui notre corps il nous envoie des signes, des messages et se sentir pas soi meme c’est l’avertissement plus innocuo,les suivants sont beaucoup plus graves.

  • meh, a breakup diet isn’t a healthy one. you know when you’re body feels different. as women, we lament too much and too often about how our clothes fit or if we should have eaten those chips. do what makes you happy, do what makes you feel alive! and change when it’s time for you and only you!

  • C’est très juste et très beau ce que tu dis. C’est important de s’écouter comme tu le fais, ça me fait réfléchir parce que j’ai quelques trucs qui clochent dans mon corps et je commence a sérieusement réfléchir à la dimension psychologique de tout ça. Notamment un acouphène (l’oreille qui siffle constamment), qui dit problème lie aux oreilles dit quelque chose que je ne veux pas entendre ou que je ne veux pas m’avouer?
    Sinon pour faire la relou très terre à terre, le fait de mincir après une rupture peut aussi s’expliquer par le fait que c’est généralement une période de recentrage sur soi, ou l’on recommence à prendre des repas seule par exemple et donc où on choisit de manger ce dont a vraiment besoin et pas ce qui nous ferait plaisir à deux ? Je suis en couple mais je remarque que je mincis les periodes ou je suis seule simplement parce que je passe moins de temps à table…
    Ce qui ne m’empêche pas d’être d’accord avec ce que.tu dis et de penser que tout ça s’imbrique (la vie serait trop simple si c’était pas tout emmêlé ! ;)

  • I have a planned, sort of breakup coming in January. I’m moving and during my time off I am also going on a juice fast…better while i have time of so i can hide out and sleep through the misery of it if necessary. As we get older I think we should be less freaked out about weight. We are not kids anymore and aren’t there better and more important things to focus on ?? not that we shouldn’t take care of ourselves as our health is so important but isn’t it possible that our constant diet and worry about our diet is exactly what makes us fat ?

  • How i understand you…. it’s really comforting , not that i want you to be heavier at all ;) , to know that such a beautiful , talented and successful women is human enough to struggle with her own demons and share that with us. At the end of the day we are not that different, just people trying to find a balance in this crazy life and love in ourselves and others, be kind to yourself.
    Thank you Garance

  • Hello! C’est bizarre j’ai perdu aussi du poids de façon un peu impromptue. Manger plus sainement se fait parfois de façon imperceptible mais les résultats sont là. Manger sainement, faire du sport… Moi je trouve que ça fait plutôt bon ménage si on le fait avec bienveillance comme tu dis. Et puis ça fait du bien d’être à son poids de forme quoiqu’on en dise.

  • Are you moving back to Paris?

  • enmodekhedi.canalblog.com

    c’est exactement ça, de mon expérience j’en ai retiré la même leçon car dans ma vie j’ai eu plus ou moins de poids à perdre ou pas selon les choses qui m’arrivaient…c’est un billet sain que tu as écrit et ça donne un peu de naturel et de fraîcheur dans le monde de l’apparence.

    BRAVO

  • c’est exactement ça, de mon expérience j’en ai retiré la même leçon car dans ma vie j’ai eu plus ou moins de poids à perdre ou pas selon les choses qui m’arrivaient…c’est un billet sain que tu as écrit et ça donne un peu de naturel et de fraîcheur dans le monde de l’apparence.

    BRAVO

  • mireille October, 26 2014, 5:41 / Reply

    Ce post résonne parce que ça nous parle de notre relation entre moi et moi profond. Tout le fatras qu’on lit dans la presse,.. et qui empêche de vivre bien, les diktats et pas seulement de la mode, la pression exercée entre femmes avec les questions du genre “mais vous avez quel âge?”, ” t’es mariée, des enfants?,..etc…. histoire d’enfermer et de s’enfermer soi même par la même occasion, de mettre dans des boîtes. ( C’est plutôt français ce comportement, je reviens de Finlande où j’ai été assister au Elle Style award et la vibration dans ce lieu peuplé de femmes( soit 98 % versus 2 % d’hommes) était légère et joyeuse, pas guindée, ni d’attitudes genre je tire la gueule parce que je me la raconte…). Bref, quand on se retrouve en phase avec soi même, on s’allège de beaucoup de choses, dont le poids est un élément signifiant parmi bien d’autres..
    j’ai eu une année riche et éreintante: MBA + mission chez une maison dans le secteur de la high end fashion, et j’ai pris 4kg, je viens de les reperdre sans régime..il fallait stocker!!
    Donc, bravo Garance de réaliser que le poids c’est une affaire plus complexe qu’une histoire de volonté !!:-)
    je vais me recommencer à lire ton blog..j’avais fini par le trouver ennuyeux et plus vrai..
    Welcome back:-)

  • I love you, Garance!!!

  • Garance.. MERCI pour cet article, il est écrit tout en simplicité, mais beau !

    xx CarolineJ
    http://www.sleevesandheels.net

  • This is such a thoughtful and insightful piece of writing. This is moving from being just a fashion blog to a “being” blog .

  • Dear Garance, it is nice that you talk about your weight in this way.
    All I want to ask. Maybe with the breakup you stopped taking the pill. Did you? A lot of people still ignore the fact that you accumulate weight when on the pill. A lot of the pounds is just simply water which will drop immediately after two weeks of stopping the pill. That’s the first time one will feel better. As these extra pounds are the ones which give that heavy bloated feel. And then slowly the months after there is another weight loss as the appetite is back to normal. Less cravings for sugary and fatty stuff.

  • Je suis ravie de retrouver la Garance que je lis depuis ses débuts, tu es de retour la vraie Garance.
    Même si nous n’avons pas le même âge je me retrouve bien trop souvent dans tes écrits et tes expériences. Et je suis enjouée à l’idée que tu partages d’avantages.
    En tout les cas ce blog est ma bible depuis presque 5ans, j’ai “évolué” avec et j’adore toujours autant ce que tu fais.

    sincèrement,
    Lucie xx

  • Dis-donc tu as sacrément plus de choses à raconter depuis que tu es célibataire !
    J’ai eu peur à un moment, j’avoue….
    Cela fait plaisir de te retrouver :)

  • Thank you for staying true to yourself, Garance.

    And for sharing with us – your multi-lingual devotees who somehow all found our way here & stayed, to create your community of appreciators. Bravo!!

  • Thanks so much for sharing, Garance! This blog post reminds me of a quote from a book that I’m currently reading: “The way out is in. The path to freedom from dieting, or anything that weighs you down, is to return to your source — to love the self you’re already in.” The book is called The French Twist: Twelve Secrets of Decadent Dining & Natural Weight Management by Carol Cottrill. I highly recommend it!

  • Garance, I understood immediately what you meant. I also wanted to let you know that I used to be a regular reader, and then I stopped visiting here so often. I’m not really sure why, but it was like something shifted. Lately though, I’m back and right with you. I feel like the site has shifted back a bit to what it used to be, there’s a more personal touch and it all seems that little bit more accessible. Thank you for coming back and being yourself. I now love stopping by here. xx

  • CRISTINA May, 3 2015, 9:29 / Reply

    This is a really touching post, as a woman and as a human being.
    Be kind to ourselves……there’s no a better way to express all of this.
    Thank you Garance, I feel like you are one of my dearest friend for years now.

    Baci,
    Cris

  • Cynthia June, 12 2015, 10:47 / Reply

    Bonjour Garance, je viens de lire tout tes posts qui parlent de poids et d rapport que tu entretenais avec ton corps..Ma question..où en es tu aujourd’hui..tu es superbe physiquement , mais plutôt au niveau de ton rapport à l’alimentation..Reprends tu du dessert? et à propos du sucre, toi qui est de l’autre côté de l’Atlantique ou le mouvement a vu le jour..Que penses-tu du zero Sugar ? As tu des connaissances qui pratiquent? Des témoignages? Le sujet m’intéresse beaucoup , j’ai pris pas mal de poids, je suis à la recherche de pistes..Merci.Bizs.

  • Falconers say that every falcon has a ‘flying weight’ – the weight at which it flies best. If a falcon is overweight, it won’t fly, because it knows it does not need to hunt. I think it’s true that we all have our own ‘flying weight,’ but sometimes it’s hard to maintain and – as your headline says – that is the time to be kind to ourselves. There may be any number of factors which affect our weight – for me it’s ill-health. If the same is true of anyone reading this, I would say that you have to remember that you didn’t do anything to get this way, it isn’t your ‘fault.’ Although I am much heavier than I should be, I still feel like the slender me inside and it’s always a surprise to catch sight of myself in a mirror when I’m not prepared. But no matter how I look, I am still ‘me’ on the inside.

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