Ready for an extreme opposite-of-glamor explosion? Okay, so let’s do this, I’m totally up for it. And don’t act like it’s never happened to you before.
We’ve all woken up, some normal morning, and realized there’s a huge pimple right in the middle of our forehead. Everyone, yep. Even… ME. And more than once. Life’s just a bitch sometimes.
How we got there is never really the question. The fact that one of my 10 basics in life has to be all chocolate M&Ms is certainly something to look at, but for the moment, the thing to concentrate on, the task at hand is… HOW TO YOU HIDE THIS ENORMOUS MOUND THAT JUST RUINED MY DAY?
I’ve tested a few solutions. Some good. Some not so good. There are also a few things that have come to mind. Some I’ve tried, others not. Something like:
– Cut myself some bangs. Yep, just like that, bam, right there, dry. I’ve thought of it, yes I have.
– Put make up on the intruder. Pffffff, yeah, a little obvious. But in the end, I think it would make it even more noticeable and we’re trying to hide it here.
– Wear something absolutely delirious to create a diversion. Like a giant Vuitton Duffle bag, for example.
– Say something absolutely delirious to create a diversion. Something like, “Oh! This morning, I had breakfast with Arnold Schwarzenegger,” for example.
– Do what this girl I know does who draws on a little mole (no, not a real mole kids, not like a whack-a-mole mole, we’re talking a fake little beauty mark). I don’t know why I think it’s so gross. Maybe because I have a beauty mark myself, ahah, oh man, I really gotta stop diving head first in the snow every morning.
– Or this guy who puts on a nice little band-aide. A nice idea? Not when you’ve gotta answer 657 times a day, “A BLOB!!!” whenever someone asks you gently what happened.
– The radical option = DON’T GO OUT. The thing with that is if I don’t go out, I’ll be so embarrassed by the whole situation that I won’t be able to look at myself in the mirror, even though that when I get a pimple, I have to look at myself in the mirror 35 times an hour just to get updates on the state of the maturity of the disaster.
– Say YEAH OKAY OKAY TOTALLY to the girl who tells you she will apply super smart essential oils that will make the evil bulge disappear in a few hours. Let her put the essential oils on, and then suddenly, watch the bulge grow right in front of your eyes. Powerless.
– Wear a hat that goes down really low (in case the pimple is situated on the forehead.)
– Or a scarf worn really high (in case the pimple is situated on the chin.)
– Cry (in case the pimple is situated on the nose.)
– Make up stupid jokes. Like :
– I don’t have to give up on a modeling career. I can still be a hand model.
Jokes are stupid. But stupid jokes are perfect to show that you’re totally cool with yourself and in your own skin.
I’ve looked hard, but I think the best solution is the last. Unless you’ve got something better? I mean like, a little bulge, it’s nothing right? Do we really have to make a whole bunch of hoopla? Or wait, is that exactly what I just did?
Translation : Tim Sullivan